Caring

Have you ever been on a rabbit hole where you questioned your intentions? I often do. It might be a normal thing for most people, or a product of a latent interest in philosophy, or my passion for psychology, or even the fact that I don't understand myself. I often like to read about what makes us humans tick. Our biases, quirks, and decision-making process (which is in turn logical and illogical). But one thing that often bothers me is how often people confuse friendliness with kindness. They seem the same at first blush. I used to feel that putting on my pleasant mask was enough to consider myself a good person and call it a day. But as the years passed, I realized that my concept of goodness was very much wrong and oversimplified. Obvious things too! People pleasing and encouraging someone to go on the wrong path is not a good thing. I think because of how uncomfortable I am with people, I lean toward prioritizing making them feel warm and safe. And I don't regret that for the most part. If on the day I leave this planet, I am remembered as someone who made others feel better, my soul will leave happy. I prioritize this even though humans are biased that friendly people are dumber than more aggressive people (explains a lot, doesn't it?).

Anyway, friendliness is shallow, whereas kindness is complex. Friendly people are pleasant to be around but kind people:

• Show empathy.

• Help people in the way the other person needs. Not in the way they assume the person needs.

• Know when to listen and when to advise.

• Can navigate through difficult conversations with grace.

• Respect others.

We all have our distinct ways to show we care. Some people will surprise their loved ones with gifts, some will cook for them, or re-affirm with words. I feel that one can be both friendly and kind. But if I only was able to choose one, I would rather be kind. I don't think I could ever again in good conscious consider being friendly without being kind and appropriate way to relate with the world.